Awhile back, before I moved to North Carolina, and before I had seen the RE doctor, I wrote this post on my main blog. In it, I say this:
“I have a mantra lately. My mantra is, “God is bigger…” Than the Army. Than the petty life annoyances. Than moving. Than my fertility concerns. Than anything that comes across my path. And He saw me in this place right here- this place of uncertainty and fear and frustration- long before I ever got here. He saw it, and He allowed me to enter it anyway. This might make some people bitter, but for me it brings reassurance. To me, it means that a. He knows I will survive this and/or b. He has a much greater purpose in me dealing with these things than what I can see in my small peephole view.”
I still believe that. And it’s still my mantra. God is bigger. He was bigger than the Army, and moving, and the petty life annoyances, and He is still bigger now. He knows if C and I will be able to conceive on our own. He knows when and if C and I will have a child. He knows all these things. He has known for my whole life that I would hit this road block, right now, right here. He saw it coming, and He let it come. That means there is hope for me to get through it, to survive it. He knew I could handle it, with His help. I’m going to trust in that, and take my fertility drugs.
Some hopeful things:
My R.E./I doctor? Yea, apparently he’s like a legend here in this town. Anytime anyone finds out I’m seeing him, they’re all, “Oh! Dr. P! He’s really, really good!” Seriously, and I’m not just talking patients, I’m talking other doctors. One of my husband’s fellow interns. She worked with Dr. P on her ob/gyn rotation in med school. She RAVED about how good he is, and how many success stories he has, and what cool things he does to help women get pregs. My own Primary Care Manager (I used to dislike her, for reasons listed here, but I had an appointment with her yesterday and decided that I take it all back, she’s not so bad after all). When she found out that I’m seeing Dr. P for fertility issues, she reassured me very seriously that he’s good and has a lot of success stories. Like, very seriously reassured me. She had asked about how I’m doing mentally, what with moving and all that, and I said that other than the stress of not having functional lady parts, I’m good. That’s when she got all serious on me. AND, my PCM’s nurse! She’s heard about Dr. P and how good he is. Dr. P’s former nurse works in my clinic now, and apparently she’s a huge fan of his as well.
Bottom line? Dr. P is apparently good at what he does, and has had a good number of success stories. That doesn’t mean I will automatically fall into that category, but I’m going to remain hopeful. I’m in good hands here, and good Hands elsewhere. I have hope, my friends.