I had a thought this morning, after I took my temperature (which has taken a dramatic dip into the 96.6 range for the second time this cycle, but my thyroid is fine per my bloodwork), peed on a stick, got a big fat O, and recorded it all with disappointment in my heart. The thought was this:
My doctor’s instructions were the following: Take the met daily. Take the Clomid days 3-7. On CD 10-20/25-ish, do baby making exercises every other day, or every day, or whenever you feel like it. Call back on CD 1 to start over, OR, CD 35 to have lab pregs test done.
Notice what I wasn’t told. I wasn’t told to chart my temps. I wasn’t told to use the OPKs religiously, or even at all. Just take the meds, and have sex. Now, I’m not saying he meant anything by not telling me to do those things (because really? he didn’t), but today I had a thought: what if… what if… he left out those instructions on purpose, you know, for psychological reasons. After all, a watched pot never boils… maybe watched ovaries never ovulate?
I’m only halfway kidding really.
I talked it over with my bff (who sent me an awesome infertility present yesterday). We discussed the matter. We decided that maybe, just maybe, my anal “have to know as much information as possible” ways are hindering the process. Maybe, for this first cycle, I really do just need to relax (I know, I know… this very thought will probs piss me off in a month or two) . Not saying that relaxing will work. But seeing a big fat O in my face every morning isn’t working either- only making me fret. Sometimes, just sometimes, there is a thing called “knowing too much.” So I think, I think, I’m going to try to NOT temp, and NOT pee on a stick, for the rest of this cycle. Maybe I’ll ovulate. Maybe I won’t. Either way, I’m going to try to wait to find out at the end of the cycle- whether it be when the period arrives, or when they suck my blood to test it for pregnancy and it comes back negative (or positive!).
Ignorance is bliss, right?