Recovery

Thanks, everyone, for your encouraging words. They came by e-mail, comment, and Twitter, and I appreciate everyone’s support. After spending three hours in my empty bathtub, having my husband read my blog post, and eating pizza together in the bathroom, I stopped crying so much and crawled out of the tub.

Honestly, I don’t think yesterday’s breakdown was just about yesterday’s bad news. There have been a lot of things I’ve been dealing with this summer- living in a new city, missing home, getting used to my husband working a lot and being exhausted when he’s home, not having a job myself and feeling a little lost because of it, missing my old friends, and, the icing on the cake, having fertility problems. With all of these things, I’ve never once really cried about any of it. I’ve done my best to keep my head held high and a smile on my face. I’ve told people that New Town is great! And I’ve been loving it! And being here is great! When slowly but surely, I’ve been becoming more down about being here. And the fertility issues, well, I was really hoping they would be easy to correct. I was really hoping I would be one of those PCOS cases that is easy. Yesterday confirmed that there’s a good chance I won’t fall into that category. So… yesterday that facade broke down. It was a good, ugly cry and I feel much better now.

My sweet husband read my post from yesterday. I had tried to explain to him verbally what I was thinking and feeling, and, uh, my words just weren’t doing what I was feeling justice. So I had him read my post. He didn’t realize how his actions felt and looked to me after we looked at the lab results together. After reading, he explained to me that he was disappointed, but, like many of you commented on my last post, the only thing he knew to do was move on. We had a plan for round 2, and that was what we would focus on. He’s not a dweller, which I knew. He was super wonderful about it and sat with me in the bathtub while we talked about it.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say thank you, and that I’m doing much better today. Sometimes, you just have to let it all out, you know?

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