The Worst Part

I’ve been contemplating, lately, what the worst part of having PCOS, infertility, and having to take drugs to try to make myself ovulate is. Today, I’ve reached a conclusion.

The emotional mood swings.

Hands down, the worst part. I can handle not getting pregnant when I want to. I can handle not ovulating when I should. Those things are upsetting, sure, and they obviously upset me, but I can get over those things. What I cannot handle is how freaking emotional I have become over the past month. I know, I know. Some will say, “Just suck it up and DON’T BE EMOTIONAL then.” Yea. Check. I hear ya. Except here’s the thing. Sometimes, just sometimes, I kid you not, I swear to you: It feels uncontrollable. It’s like this overwhelming monster overtakes my soul and makes me cry, worry, snap at others, anxious, and a plethora of other undesirable emotions all at once.

If C and I didn’t want to have a baby so badly, after this round and the crazy it’s made me, I would give up all the drugs and go back on birth control just to feel and BE normal again (and to not have acne! Bonus!). The obvious problem here is that C and I DO want to have a baby. We ARE trying. So I am just going to have to do my best to battle the crazy in my head until SOMETHING finally works. I apologize in advance to my friends and family.

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One thought on “The Worst Part

  1. I spent tonight catching up on your blog and shed some tears. Please know that I am thinking of you, even if we are just “blogger friends”, and I know that you and C will get through this together. Keep sharing your feelings and emotions. Do not apologize. We are all here to support you on this journey!

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