I started the Clo Clo yesterday. I actively tried to mentally counteract any emotional reactions for fear that it was really the Clo Clo using my body as a host and attacking others. I told myself that if I was vigilant and aware of how I was feeling and reacting all the time, I would effectively be able to control the emotional… outbursts, for lack of a better word.
I give myself a B for yesterday.
I did well until I was at my neighbor’s. I love my neighbor, the wife anyway, but sometimes her husband just grates on my nerves. Clo Clo reactions aside, he routinely angers me because he doesn’t see why women need degrees in the first place since every woman in his immediate life that has a college degree doesn’t use it- they stay home with their kids and such. Why get a college degree if your job is just to stay home with the kids? LISTEN. I’m all about staying home with our kids when we have them, but Y’ALL. I adore my college degree. I used the hell out of it for the past four years. While I’m not using it now, earning a second degree instead, I fully intend on using BOTH of those degrees in the near future. It just makes me so irritated that I can’t even speak well. I take personal offense to his point of view. That’s my problem, I realize, but still. That view urks me profoundly.
But last night, he urked me more than ever, and I’m 99% sure it was the Clo Clo rising up in me. Everything his wife said about certain conversations she’d had with him recently which pertained to my husband and I offended me. Not what his wife was saying, but the conversations neighbor wife was innocently recounting to me. And then, THEN, when I told him I was probably going to have a hot dog instead of a hamburger with cheese (we were cooking out)(they use 85% “lean” ground beef, and full fat cheese- two things my husb and I avoid using/eating whenever we can because, well, we aren’t twigs and we’ve got to watch our weight)…. So many side thoughts I seem to have lost my point. I’ll start over. SO- I told him I was planning on having a hot dog rather than a hamburger and he says with a laugh, “Well, haha, the hamburger is probably healthier.”
Y’all. I got teary. I had to avert my eyeballs until I could quell the lump in my throat. I absolutely took it as him indirectly saying I’m fat. The reality is that he knows C and I have been trying to eat healthier and lose weight, and he was probably saying that simply because of this fact- NOT that he was actually calling me fat- but I totally took it that way.
I came home and just felt ANNOYED at neighbor man. Degrades woman with an education. Tells me I should eat something other than what I want because it’s “healthier.” Generally carrying around a condescending attitude towards me and others. Ugh. I wanted to yell all the ways my husband and I are better than him, smarter than him, healthier than him, likely to be better parents than him at him. But I didn’t. Because that is SO seventh grade. And there’s a good chance it’s the alien named Clo Clo rearing her ugly, easily wounded head.